The disease that makes fools out of wise men, a heartbreak

The first death every man dies, a heartbreak.

I would have sworn things couldn’t have ended like this. And so wrong I would have been.

24 hours without her.

This is a dream. It just has to be.

Last night was hell. I kept looking at my phones for messages. I checked for missed calls too. On WhatsApp she had blocked me.

Everything tells me she’s really moving on.

I spoke to Rick about it last night.

“Let the emotions flow,” he said. “Cry if you have to.”

I listened.

Also Read: Love and betrayal

The tears came this morning as I deleted our call recordings. I felt a part of me disappear as the recordings left my phone. And I cried for the first time over a girl.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get over her, but I want to try.

“Go out and have fun with your friends.” Rick says to me. Funny thing is, I don’t have any.   

My life really sucks right now.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like working either. Maybe just stay home and cry. But I need to stay ahead of my career.

I love her, and I hate myself for what’s happened.

But at least I have to try to move on.

I’ve just returned from work and I’m going to take a bath and get some sleep. I should still have a life to live.

Damn this heartbreak

Okay, I must confess, it wasn’t as easy as I thought.

I went out today like I said I would, but it is impossible to concentrate. I see her in every girl with colored hair that walks past.

I yearn for her voice every second and it is hard to keep a stable rhythm for my heart.

Then while at work today, she called.

No.

She texted. A message I sent two years ago before we started dating. Then a follow up text saying she doesn’t understand what is happening to me.

I fight back tears the whole read.

I almost text back, but I remember I promised Rick not to.

Sometime at noon, she called with her workmate’s number. My battery is low, so we can’t talk. Phew!

About an hour ago, I met Rick again and we talked. I felt free finally getting to spill these secrets to someone.

I felt much relief. I tell him about the text and calls, and he said I can call her back.

So, some minutes ago, I did.

She picked on the second try and said;

“I sure wanted to see you earlier. That’s why I called with my colleague’s line. I don’t know if you switched of your phone or what.”

I try and give a quick explanation, before she ends with,

“I’m kind of busy at the moment. Let me call you back when I’m done.”

wow!

I’m quite scared now. I feel she may want to upset me more by doing something I won’t like when we meet tomorrow.

Like…  returning stuff I got her.

But, whatever.

It’s day two since my break up, and I must confess that though it isn’t easy, the pain gets lesser.

Time to catch a movie.

Good night!!

The disease that makes fools out of wise men, a heartbreak.

After all the warnings not to, yesterday I still went on to text her.

Well, she said she was going to call me back, remember? And when she didn’t, it triggered my anxiety and I texted.

No reply.

I went on to call her and when it rang, I stayed calm all the while the call was connected.

She didn’t answer.

A few hours later, I texted her again,

“Babe,  I am so sad and in pain. I miss you so much.”

No reply.

You know what? I might just for a tiny instance believe that I’m a fool for real. I thought I had these feelings under wraps, lock and key.

But now a prison break has occurred.

I am sad and can barely concentrate so I do a quick search online;

“How to get your girlfriend back.”

I know. I know. I know that’s the wrong search right now. I should probably be searching,

“How to forget your girlfriend.”

But I’m all in my feelings now, and I probably can’t make one right decision.

But Mehn!! I see a lot of interesting stuff online. So many! But one thing they all say in common on how to get her back is,

Stay away from her. What the hell on earth does that even mean. I want her back, I want her, that’s it. Not the other way around.

Don’t act and sound desperate, they say.

And that’s exactly how I’ve been for the last three days. Desperate. I really should tone it down.

Another site advised that I could hit the gym. Look better. Feel better. Take a trip. Do some fun activities. Work on myself. Turn the rejection to motivation.

Phew! Keep your fingers crossed for me. Yikes! I’m out on a horse ride..

The thing about heartbreak is that, it hurts when it shouldn’t.

Today, the feeling was different; raw, hot and boiling anger.

And it began when she called me at noon.

Who does she think she is?!

Betrays me. I login to her chats and find out. She leaves me. Hauls insults, refuses to take my calls, and then expects me to take hers?

I still haven’t returned the call. And I don’t intend to.

After work earlier today, I went jogging.

I ran till I drained those negative emotions; till I was numb. 

I think this hurt has some advantages in the end.

Later at 7pm, Ricky calls.

“I’m around your suburb! Can you come out?”

Why not. 

I meet him, and we walk to a nearby restaurant for a takeaway. Then he goes home.

This thing is getting easier. Though it hurts.

Seeing someone you love love someone else.

Sure hurts real bad. Real hard.

But I’ll live and for the next few days, I will be alive.

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